I Just Want to be Happy
by my-middle-name-is-awkward
Summary: Lucy was just an outcast. She was never noticed, never included, never liked. So when Sirius Black comes up to her and asks her out, she knows there has to be a catch...and of course there is. Rated T for language. Made some changes to Ch. 7. Please read.
1. Prologue

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)

Now listen, just because I don't have as many friends as you might have, doesn't mean that I'm some freak! And I would appreciate it if you stopped talking about me like I'm not in the room, because newsflash, I am in the room.

Okay, I apologize, that was rude of me. I just kind of freaked out.

Let me introduce myself, even though you probably don't even care. Not many people care what I have to say…Sorry! Ugh, I'm getting off track!

I'm Lucy Lynn Knight. I am a 17 year old witch and I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm in Gryffindor house with my best friend Lily Evans, aka Head Girl. Yes, for all of those awful people out there, I do have friends. I also- okay, you know what, I'll just make you a list of the most important things about me and then if you have questions, you can ask me (not really).

So, here's a list of the top 10 most important things about me. We'll start at 10 and work our way down to 1, being the most important.

10. I might have a little bit of a temper

9. I'm a muggleborn, like Lily

8. Although it may not seem like it, I have a low self-esteem.

7. I love to sing, and the people who actually know I can sing, say I'm amazing.

6. My #1 enemy is a girl named Meaghan Michaels. She's a Slytherin and she's….well, let's just say she's not a very nice person

5. I've never had a boyfriend

4. I only have a handful of friends… no, seriously, I could count them all on one hand.

3. I'm actually super smart, I'm third in our class, after Lily and Remus of course.

2. I'm an orphan… I'll probably end up telling you that story eventually.

1. And the most important thing about me, is that I'm utterly and (secretly) in love with Sirius Orion Black…and I absolutely hate it.

That's pretty much all you need to know about me. Honestly, my life isn't really exciting. Or it wasn't at least...

I know that sounds weird, but it all started when Sirius came up to me on the cold winter day…


	2. A Normal Day for Lucy

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)

"Hey, Luce" Lily smiled as she sat down on the edge of the couch I was sitting on in the common room. I smile slightly, but then continue to work on my essay for Potions. "Busy, aren't ya?"

"Shut, up, Lily!" I glare playfully

"Someone's having a bad day" I glower and then my quill goes back to moving along the paper.

"It's not my fault you didn't remind me to do my Potions essay!"

"Hey! Don't blame me! I'm not the one that was up writing her own songs all night" She smirked

"Lily!" I hissed "Shut up! Secret's are supposed to stay secret remember!"

She huffed "Well, this secret, is too good to be a secret"

"Oh, kind of like how you are now in love with James" I raised my eyebrow and she moved so she was sitting by me.

"That's totally different!"

"How so, Lil?" I smirk "I've had my secret since 1st year and so have you"

"I hate you so much!" She exclaimed, going as red her hair.

"Sure, you do"

Lily opened her mouth to retort but she was interrupted by the portrait door opening. I saw her go even redder and I looked to see the Marauders coming our way. Great!

I rolled my eyes and go back to my essay. I hear James say something to Lily and I can't help but smile. She deserves to be happy, she really does.

I look up only when the table bumps and my ink bottle tips over onto my almost finished essay. I let out a shriek and someone mumbles an insincere apology. I look up and see none other than Sirius Black staring down at me. Of course, the guy I love who has no idea that I actually have a first name!

To Sirius, I'm 'Knight' or 'The Loner' or even 'That brunette that hangs out with Lily'. I want for him to actually care enough to learn more about me. Or at least learn my name. That would be a start. But come on, that would probably never happen.

When I look back down at my paper, I can't help but feel annoyed. Sure it was Sirius, but come on, it's 9 o' clock on a Sunday night and this essay is due first thing tomorrow! I'll be up for hours trying to copy it all down! I would use magic to clean it up, but with my luck, I'd screw it up even more and end up erasing everything. And it'd take longer to rewrite the essay than to copy it.

I sigh and go to take out another piece of parchment, but then I see the ink spot disappear. I look up and Lily smiling at me with her wand held in her right hand. "Be more careful, Black" She remarks.

"Thanks Lily" I smile and start to write again

They all start talking again and I sigh. I wish more people would talk to me. I really only have Lily.

An hour goes by and I smile in satisfaction as I write the last word of my essay. I place my quill down and let out a sigh of relief. Lily and the Marauders are still talking, but they moved to the other side of the room. I sigh again.

I stand up, blow on my essay to make sure the ink is dry, and then roll it up and place into my bag. I pick up all of my stuff and then walk over to Lily, to tell her I'm going to head up to the dorm. As I start to walk over to her, I see Sirius' current girlfriend walk up to him and kiss him on the lips.

I blinked away my tears and continued to walk over to Lily. Once I reached her, I let out a sigh and forced a smile. "Lily, I'm gonna go up to bed"

"Oh, ok, night, Luce, I'll see you tomorrow"

I leaned down and whispered in her ear "Tell James you love him"

"No!" She whispered back

"Lily!"

"Fine, I will, if you tell Sirius that you're in love with him" I scoffed

"That's different! He has a girlfriend and James doesn't! Plus, Sirius doesn't like me, James is completely in love with you!"

"Lucy!"

"Night, Lily" I smiled and walked up to the dormitories, leaving Lily with James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius, who was still sucking face with his slut.

My life can't get any worse…

Of course I knew, the next day, that I had spoken way too soon

**I know this chapter wasn't that eventful, but it was just a day-in-the-life kinda thing. I hope this chapter doesn't make you want to stop reading :) This is my first Sirius/OC story soooo be nice please :P. **

**I also want to thank the reviewers. Sure, it's not many reviews, but as long as **_**some**_** people like my story, I'll continue it. Next chapter should be more eventful!**


	3. Some Slaps and Shockers

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)

It didn't start off that bad. Just like any other day, really.

I woke up, got ready for classes, headed down to breakfast, ate with Lily as she stared longingly at James, then going to classes. Same old, same old. Pretty normal and boring, just like me.

But then lunch came. I was sitting with Lily and one our roommates Alice Prewitt. She was nice, but we weren't the best of friends. But we were…hmm…what's the word I'm looking for? No, not friends. How about buddies? Hmm, no kinda sounds sexual. What about…girls who are sorta friends but don't really talk…Nope, too long….Oh! I got it!

Acquaintances.

That's the word I was looking for!

So, anyway, back to the matter at hand, we were sitting in the Great Hall making small talk and eating the food that the house elves had prepared when we first heard the news. I should've suspected something; everyone was staring at me and talking to their friends in hushed tones. We had surprisingly heard the news from 3rd years that were just down the table from us. They were saying it quite loudly actually. And it grabbed our attention.

"Did you hear about Sirius Black?" One mousey looking girl asked her friend.

"Come on, who hasn't?" Her friend replied with a dramatic sigh. I glanced at Lily and she pretended that she wasn't listening in, but come on, the three of us were pretty interested

"I haven't!" The third girl exclaimed

"Seriously? Where have you been?" I scoffed. What a snob! "Okay, Black's girlfriend heard from one of the Slytherins that he was cheating on her" My eyes went wide and I leaned toward them, wanting to hear more.

"Oh my God! Did she break up with him?" I could see the hope in the girl's eyes…how sad…

"I heard she was going to do it during lunch! I'm just waiting for it to happen!"

I exchanged glances with Lily and she looks down the table at the Marauders, talking happily. It didn't look like Sirius even knew what was going on… Then I saw Lily glance further down the table at Sirius' girlfriend who was glaring at him. Her gaze moved and she saw Lily and I staring at her. Her eyes became furious as they rested on me. What the hell is going on?

I'm guessing Lily saw this too because she looked at me with fear in her eyes. "Why is she glaring at you?"

"I have no idea!"

"Guys!" Alice said from across the table. We looked up and she pointed to where the Marauders were sitting and Sirius' girlfriend was approaching them. I held my breath and waited for something to happen.

And happen it did.

Shania (I guess I should use her name now instead of referring to her as "Sirius' Girlfriend") slapped Sirius across the face as soon as he turned around. Oh! It seems as though I forgot to mention that Shania is Meagan Michaels' twin sister…doesn't that make everything even better!

"What the hell?" By now everyone in the Great Hall was watching them with hungry eyes, even the teachers.

"I should be asking you that!" Shania shouted

"Excuse me?" Sirius asked, he looked incredibly confused

"I know you cheated on me!" Sirius' eyes bulged

"No I didn't!"

"Liar!" Her hand collided with his cheek again.

"I swear I didn't cheat on you!"

"Well my sister told me she saw you with…with…"

"With who?"

"That-that-that…tramp!" Shania shrilled

"Could you be a little more specific?" Sirius asked calmly

"That loner Lucille or whatever!" Lily gasped beside me and my eyes widened.

…She thought Sirius cheated on her with…me….

She got my name wrong, but everyone looked at me, including her. If looks could kill, I would've been dead for a while since she had already glared at me during this meal. Sirius was looking at me and I stood up. No way in hell I would be blamed for something like this. I saw Lily stand up from the corner of my eye and follow me as we stalked over to the group.

"Your sister needs to get her facts right" I say calmly. Of course Michaels would tell her sister that I was a tramp and that her boyfriend cheated on her with me. God! Can you say bitch?

"Excuse me?"

"I barely talk to Sirius" I reply

"And?"

"And? Are you serious? He didn't cheat on you with me. I doubt he cheated on you at all! But I could see why he would…" I had said that before I could stop myself. Then her hand collided with _my _face.

Bloody Hell!

I let out a gasp and I look at her. She has this evil smirk on her face and her little followers are chuckling behind her. I glared "How dare you" She exclaims

"How dare I? How about, how dare you? I didn't do anything! Next time you want to accuse me of something, make sure you have more reliable sources" I retort and then I walk out of the Great Hall with my head held high.

I stalked off to the Gryffindor Tower and then muttered the password to The Fat Lady. She raised an eyebrow but then the portrait hole opened. I walked in and sighed as I entered the empty common room. I walked toward the stairs leading up to the girls' dormitories.

I started to walk up the stairs when I heard the portrait hole swing open once again. I hope it was Lily, or even Alice. I just needed someone to vent to.

But no, of course it wasn't them. It would be way too nice of the world for it to be one of them. But since the world was a bastard, it was none other than Sirius Black. I scoffed and started to walk back up the stairs but then he said the one thing I thought he would never in a million years know.

My name…


	4. Pigs Will Fly

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)

I must be dreaming. He doesn't know my name! He probably just asked Remus or Lily before he left the Great Hall….right? I spin around and look at the handsome wizard. He must see the confusion on my face because he chuckles "Wait, what'd you say?"

"I said your name"

"Which is…?"

"Really? Did you think I didn't know your name or something?"

"Actually, that's exactly what I thought"

"Come on, Lucy" I blushed slightly at this, but I hoped he didn't notice "I know who you are"

"You never imply that you know who I am. I think that's the first time you've said my name"

"I call you by your last name too!"

"My _first _name, Sirius"

"Okay, you got me there. But I do know who you are"

"You seriously don't understand why I'm so shocked?"

"Not really, no"

I groan and then I glare at him "Because I think this is the first conversation we've ever had!"

"No! Yesterday I knocked over your ink bottle! I said I was sorry!"

"Sirius, that's not a conversation"

"Okay…but there was that one time when we were partners for Potions in 3rd year!"

"Aww, yes. I remember that. I asked you to get the eye of newt and you groaned and went to go get it. And that's all you did to help me on that potion. But yet, I let you take credit for it" I was now irritated with my lovestruck younger self. How dare I give him the satisfaction? Why would I even give the potion to Professor Slughorn and when he asked if Sirius had helped, I said yes? Why would I help him with something like that?

Oh, yes, I remember, I'm head over heels in love with the guy!

"Okay, once again, you got me, but come on; you seem….okay, why can't we be friends?"

I raise my eyebrow and walk down one step. "What's the catch, Black?"

"There's no catch" He said "But, it would be nice if you agreed to be my girlfriend" He added quickly. I scoffed even though inside I was screaming with joy. Not only did he know my name but he also wanted me to be his girlfriend.

"Why?" I ask skeptically

"Because..."

I walk down another step and smirk "Sorry, Black, that's not an answer"

"Listen, I know we aren't exactly friends, but I need this as a favor"

"So, you want me to be your girlfriend as a favor?" I clarified, trying not to sound too hurt

"Yes"

"Why?"

"I kind of want to prove the Michaels sisters' wrong. Or right…in a way."

I get it. He kind of wants to show them that he didn't cheat but he can still date me. "But, Sirius, that's going to make everyone think that you actually cheated on her with me"

"And is that such a bad thing?" I scoff

"Yes a little bit. I don't want people to start calling me a tramp!"

"Trust me, only their friends will. No one else can stand them" I giggle. Shit. I actually giggled! Not laughed! It was like a school girl giggle too, which made it worse! "You know, I never realized it, but you're kind of cute, Knight"

I didn't know if he was saying this because he wanted me to go out with him or because he meant it. "Do you mean that or are you just saying that because you want me to be your 'girlfriend'?"

"I actually mean it. I like how you aren't like those other girls"

"You mean those other girls you usually to date?" He looked at me in shock "Come on, you have a reputation and even I know about it"

"Is that why you won't agree to be my girlfriend?"

"Fake girlfriend" I corrected as I descended the rest of the stairs and walked right up to him. "And yes, that's the part of the reason"

"And what's the other part of the reason?"

_Shit. Come on, Luce! Make up something and quick!_

"I just don't like people talking about me. At all. Sometimes I'm glad I'm in the shadows"

Okay, that wasn't exactly a lie.

"Well, then we can get you over that fear!"

I scowl "It's not a fear. I just don't like how it feels"

"Okay, okay. No need to get all upset"

I take a step closer to him "Who said I was upset?"

He grinned down at me. Did I mention he was a head taller than me? Cause he is. But, hey! I'm normal height for a girl my age! He's just tall! "You know, Knight, you have spunk, I like that"

I smile back up at him "You know, you keep calling me Knight, it's almost like you've already forgotten my name"

"Well, that's only because you continue to call me by my surname. I was simply following your lead" He retorts

"Oh were you, _Sirius_?" I put emphasis on his name and he smiles

"You're pretty cool, _Lucy_; I'm surprised that we're not friends"

"Well, we're not friends because according to you, I'm a 'Loner'"

"Okay, I admit, I have said that…a lot, but I apologize now. I was judging you, and I'm sorry"

"Well thank you for your apology"

There was a silence where we simply just stared at one another, waiting for the other to talk. But I wasn't going to cave, and I guess he figured that out because a moment later, he finally spoke. "So, what do you say? Will you be my fake girlfriend?" He put on this adorable puppy dog pout and I rolled my eyes and laughed

"Fine. But, I'm only doing this because I absolutely _hate _the Michael sisters"

One of the biggest lies I've ever told...

"Well, that's great" He grinned and slipped his arm around my waist. "Now tell me, how does it feel to be my girlfriend?"

"_Fake_ girlfriend" I wasn't trying to convince him…I knew he knew I was his fake girlfriend. I was trying to convince myself…

"Still, it has girlfriend in it" I roll my eyes and he pulls me closer to him, so I am now pressed up against his chest. "Now, listen you can't tell anyone about this"

"What do you mean? Don't you want people to know? I thought that was the point of the fake relationship"

"No, not the relationship. The fake part"

I huff in annoyance "Who am I going to tell? My dozens of friends? Don't forget, Sirius, I'm not popular like the other girls you've dated"

His expression changes and he looks genuinely sorry. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that"

"It's fine" I sighed and broke away from him. I turn to walk back up the stairs but then I pause. "Sirius?" I ask as I turn around to look at him.

"Yes?"

"I'm telling Lily"

"Telling Lily what?"

"That this isn't a real relationship"

"You can't!"

"Well, too bad! If I can't tell her than I won't do it. I don't want to risk losing the one friend I actually have"

I could see the pity on his face "Fine. Tell her"

I smile "Thank you"

"Whatever" I spin around for what seems like the 400th time to walk upstairs but then his voice stops me. "Hey, Lucy?"

"Yeah?" I ask, spinning around to look at him, yet again

"Do you know if Lily likes James or not?"

I try to hide my smile. Of course I knew! I knew that she was ABSOLUTELY in love with him! I wanted to scream that, but I knew she would kill me, so instead I said-

"Yes, I know whether she likes him or not. Why?"

"Because James has a feeling she does, but doesn't want t act on it because their all buddy-buddy now. And I figured that he would if he knew her answer"

I thought about this for a moment. This could mean getting James and Lily together…but it could also mean that Lily would hex me into the next century. I look at Sirius and it looks like he is anxious for an answer.

"Okay, if I tell you, you have to swear that if you tell James, he won't ever mention it to Lily…"

"So, she does like him back?"

I try not to smirk as I reply "Nope" Might as well have fun with my _fake boyfriend_, right?

"But you pretty much implied that she liked him!"

"I'm pretty sure I didn't"

"Lucy!" He whined

"But I never said she wasn't _in love _with James"

Sirius looked at me and then grinned "Seriously?" I nodded "Wow, you're cruel"

I frown "Sirius" I say in my best 'baby' voice "That's not something you say you your girlfriend" He laughs and I switch my voice back to normal "But if you tell James, just simply say that you know for a fact that Lily _likes_ him. Nothing more than likes. Let them say their 'I love you's' on their own."

"Wow, are you like a romantic or something?"

"Sort of. I just don't want Lily to say it and then James say 'I know' or something of sorts"

"Fine, I'll tell him that she likes him, not loves"

"Good boy" I smirk

"You have an attitude, don't you?"

I shrug "Maybe, I'm not really sure"

Sirius laughed "How are you not sure?"

"Well, I don't hang around calm people. And I know you are aware of Lily's temper."

"Oh, yes, the Marauders know it well"

"Hmm, that's odd…I wonder why" I smile

"Ha ha. Very funny"

"Aren't I?" We both laughed

"You know, if this whole fake relationship thing doesn't work out" He winked "Maybe we should try being friends"

"We'd probably have to anyway. If we get Lily and James together anyway"

"And that will happen. I swear on it"

I smile "Of course it will. They're in loooove" I joke

And that's the crazy part. Not only did he know my name, want me to be his fake girlfriend, have a perfectly good conversation with me, say I was "Pretty Cool", we also joked around, and I can't do that with a lot of people. Oh, God. What I would give to be his real girlfriend….But pigs will fly when that actually happens…

Too bad I didn't know what life had in store for me. Soon, I'd find out that with a little magic, pigs do fly.


	5. Some Secrets and Stares

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)

"A _what_?" Lily exclaimed and I covered her mouth quickly.

"Shh!" We were currently sitting in our Potions class, waiting for class to start. But naturally we are in here like 10 minutes early. There weren't many people in the classroom, but there were some. And once they heard Lily's shout all of their head snapped up and looked at us. Lily blushed and I smiled apologetically "Sorry thought I saw a spider in her hair. She was just freaking out" I lied smoothly and turned back to Lily once they went back to what they were doing. "Listen, you can't tell anyone, at all" I sighed and brought my hand away from her mouth. I heard laughing coming from the doorway and Lily and I looked up to see the Marauders coming in the doorway. I saw Lily smirk and I shot her a glare. "Don't you dare!" I whispered frantically.

"Whatever do you mean, Lucy?" She smiled evilly and then tuned behind us to where James and Sirius chose to sit. "So, Sirius, I heard about yours and Lucy's fa-" My hand flew to her mouth again. She mumbled something incoherent and I smirked

"Sorry, Lil, what was that? Couldn't hear you?" And then of course, her being Lily, replied by licking my hand. "Eww, Lily!" I brought my hand away from her mouth and wiped it on her robes.

"That's what you get" She smirked then turned back to James and Sirius who were laughing softly. I glared at her again. "Relax, Luce. I was simply going to say that I heard about your _fantastic_ relationship"

I glare playfully "You're a bitch, you know that?" Her hand flew to her mouth and she gasps.

"I'm hurt, Lucy! I thought we were best friends"

I roll my eyes "So dramatic" I mumbled

"Heard that"

"Damn" I could still hear Sirius and James chuckling behind us.

"So, Lucy, I see you already told Lily" Sirius smirked

"Well having you told your friends?" I raise my eyebrow

"Nope, only James knows it's…you know"

My eyes widen. The Marauders tell each other everything… why was this different? "Really?"

"Yep, figured it be fair" Even Lily was a little intrigued by this.

"What do you mean?"

"You tell one person, I tell one person"

"Since when have you ever been fair?" Lily asked

"Aw, Lily-flower, that is a good question" James looked at her "I was wondering the same thing" I say Lily blush slightly at the nickname and the gaze James had on her. I glance at Sirius and smirk. He sees this and smirks back. How obvious could Lily and James get?

"Your flirting is making me sick" I interrupt their 'moment'

"I agree. It seems like you two are just gonna start snogging at any moment" Sirius interjected "Or shagging…" He added

I laughed and Lily shot me a death glare. I put my hands up in defense "Calm down, Lils. We're all friends here" I see her go even redder, almost the color of her hair. "Well, I think. I'm not really sure if you guys are friends or secret lovers"

Sirius laughs and I feel Lily's foot stomp on mine. "Ouch! Lily, no need to be violent"

"I actually believe there is a need to be violent!"

I heard Sirius laugh harder and then I saw James punch him in the shoulder. "Shut up, Padfoot!"

I laugh but then I stop. I feel as though someone's watching me. I look over and see Michaels glaring at me. When did she get here?

"You better be a good actress" I look over at Lily who is scoffing at Meaghan. See, no one likes her!

Sirius and James were in a heated conversation about 'The Marauder's Code' when I look back at them. "Lily" I say to her "Distract James" She smiles and nods.

"James" She says in a flirty voice and I roll my eyes. James continues to whisper yell at his best friend. "James…" She says a little louder.

"One second, Lils"

One second indeed. The moment she places her hand on his, he turns to her and starts talking to her. Sirius grins and rolls his eyes then turns his attention to me. "That was fast" He comments. I smile and out of the corner of my eyes I see Meaghan watching us. I stand up and walk over to Sirius and guess what I do?

I kiss him.

I don't know where it came from, but I just realized might as well make it look real, right?

Sirius is shocked at first but then he starts kissing back. He places his hands on my waist and pulls me onto his lap as we continue to kiss. I hear Lily giggle and James say "Bloody Hell, Sirius"

I still feel eyes on me, but I know they aren't just Michaels'. They're undoubtedly everyone's… I pull away and Sirius smirks at me and I smirk back. I stand back up and walk to my seat next to Lily.

"What the hell was that?" She asks

"I was kissing my boyfriend"

And that's how the news spread. And by dinner that evening, everyone knew. Even little first years.

So as I sat, trying to eat my dinner, I felt more than a hundred pair of eyes on me. Some we're actually smiling at me, others were trying to stop themselves from hexing me. But I tried my best to shove it off.

Lily must have noticed this because she smiled softly "It won't last for long" She said from across the table

"How do you know that?"

"Because something else will happen. Something way more scandalous that this" I smiled

"Thanks Lily"

"Hello, ladies" The Marauders came up and sat beside us. James sat beside Lily and Remus sat on her other side. So that meant I was stuck between Sirius and Peter. I'm okay with Sirius, but I don't know…I just don't like Peter.

I rolled my eyes as James ad Lily instantly started talking to one another. Sirius saw this and chuckled and then did the unthinkable. He grabbed my face and kissed me.

I was about to respond but then he pulled away. He gave me this grin that made my legs feel like jelly and I was just thankful that I was sitting down.

"Came out of nowhere, didn't it?"

I get it. He was doing the exact thing I did in Potions today. But that's not fair! I did it for a reason! He did it to get back at me…but then again, people were watching us. And Sirius usually kisses his girlfriend when he sees her, so I guess he did have a reason. Damnit.

"Yes, yes it did" I smile, what's the point of arguing? People would suspect something and then bye, bye fake relationship!

Dinner went okay. You know, if you don't count how everyone in the Great Hall couldn't keep their eyes off of me…but the food was good. Lily, the Marauders, and I had some nice conversations.

But then we got back to the common room and all hell broke loose


	6. Secrets Spilled and Romances

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)  
>*I know I said Shania was in Slytherin, but I switched it to Gryffindor :) Sorry for any confusion! Any questions just message me!<p>

"YOU!" Shania shouted as Sirius and I walked in holding hands. She stomped up to us and she shoved me. Sirius was there to catch me, luckily "YOU BITCH!"

"And you're calling me this because?" I ask once I'm balanced back on my feet.

She groaned in annoyance "You made me look like an idiot!"

I snorted "You did that by yourself Michaels, I didn't need to help you at all" Sirius chuckled and we started walking toward the couches, but I was tugged back by Shania yanking on my hair. "What the hell?" I shrieked

"I wasn't done with you"

"Well, I was done with you, so that kinda sucks, now doesn't it?"

"You made me look stupid!"

"Once again, I didn't need to"

"You told me Sirius didn't cheat on me with you!"

"He didn't"

"Then why are two suddenly together?"

Sirius smirks from behind me "I thought about it after you broke up with me and I realized hey, why not date Lucy? People already think we did something together. Why not make it true?"

"So, I thank you, Michaels. You put the wonderful idea in his head" She looks between us and lets out an exasperated yell.

"I will get you for this, Knight, just you wait and see!" With that, she stomped out of the common room. Poor girl.

"Well, that was intense" Lily said as she walked up to us with James.

"Of course it was. It's Shania" Sirius said and we all sat down.

"Okay, you have a good point there" I agreed

We sat and talked nothing that interesting really. Well until Lily brought up the worst topic possible!

"Hey Luce, where are you going for the holidays?"

Christmas was approaching, but not fast enough for me to worry about it! And to say it in front of Sirius, really Lily?

"Um, not sure" I gave her a look but she obviously chose not to see it.

"You don't stay at your own home?" Sirius asked

"Don't really have one" I shrug, trying to not get too upset

"What do you mean?" James questioned

I felt the sting behind my eyes and I brushed it off. "You know that's not really important right now. I think I'm going to go do some homework. I'll see you guys tomorrow" I kissed Sirius on the cheek for the act and quickly made my way upstairs.

Hopefully this would blow over by tomorrow…

Yep, it didn't. Sirius brought it up again during breakfast. I looked at Lily, praying that she would help me into the mess she created. But she simply continued to talk to James. Wow, some best friend.

"It's a long story" I stated after a couple moments

"I have time"

I glared and he smiled slightly. I felt shiver go down my spine, but I ignored it. I sent Lily a look and she giggled and nudged me. "Why'd you do this?" I mouth after I put my hand up to block it.

She did the same and smiles "I want you to be happy"

"I want to be happy, but talking about my past won't really work!"

"Luc-" We were now whispering

"I was barely able to talk about it with you!"

"Lucy, I'm sorry"

"Not you're not" I smirk "Just like I'm not sorry for this" I turn toward James "Lily likes you….as more than a friend"

"Lucy!" Lily squeals.

"Doesn't feel too good, now does it?" I hiss and I drop my fork onto my plate and it makes a clatter sound. I glare once more and then stand up and stalk out of the Great Hall.

I really shouldn't have done that….Lily probably hates me.

Of course, I screw things up with the friend I actually have!

/

Lily's POV

My face is red out of embarrassment and anger. Embarrassment because James is looking at me with wide eyes, knowing that I now like him. And anger because Lucy did told him!

I needed to get out of here…and fast.

"Excuse me, I really should go talk to her" I hurriedly got up and started to walk out of the Great Hall.

"LILY!" I winced as I sped up my pace. I didn't want to talk to James…I couldn't. But I knew I was screwed when I felt him grab my hand. "Please wait. We need to talk"

"No, we don't, James!" My eyes land everywhere except for on him.

"Lil, please look at me"

I look up "I don't like you" I lie.

And he obviously doesn't believe me because before I knew it, his lips were covering mine. My eyes widened but then they fluttered close and I began to kiss him back.

We only pull away when we are in need of air. I feel a smile creep up on my face and I see him grin back. "Lily, I'm going to ask you this one more time and I pray your answer is different" I giggle….how embarrassing "Lily Evans, will you go out with me?"

I blush and grin. I hug him and whisper into his ear "Yes. Yes I would love to go out with you"

I release him slightly so I'm looking at him. Then I realize why we are in the entrance of the Great Hall.

Lucy!

Ugh! Now I feel bad!

I pull away from James reluctantly "I'm sorry, James. I really need to talk to Lucy!" I turn on my heel but his voice stops me

"Is it about her being in love with Sirius?" He says softly so only I can hear him. I turn back around

"How'd you know?"

"It's pretty obvious"

"Does Sirius know?" I ask softly glancing at the Gryffindor table where the remaining Marauders were eyeing us with excitement.

"No, Padfoot isn't that smart, Lils"

I laugh "Do you think he'll ever feel the same way for her?"

"Yes. I think there's a 99% chance he'll fall for her. I know my best friend and Lucy seems like someone that would make him really happy. They've only been 'dating' for a day and they're already snogging. I bet they'll be together for real by the end of the year"

"Really?"

"Really. They seem like they would be a good match for one another" James looks over at his friend and smirks "He just doesn't realize that yet" He looks back at me and smiles.

"You're smarter than I thought, Potter" I tease

"Head Boy, remember"

"Oh, I remember. I practically live with you" I smirk and kiss his cheek "I'll see you in the common room in about a half hour. This little chat with Luce might take a while"

"Okay, see you" He grinned and I smiled back and hurried out of the Great Hall.

Shit! Where'd Lucy go?

/

James' POV

I smirk as I watch Lily dash out of the Great Hall. She is now my girlfriend. Remind me to thank Lucy later…

I walk back over to the Gryffindor table and Padfoot smirks. I sit beside him and he pokes my side with a teasing grin "Prongsie got himself a girlfriend"

I'm assuming he wanted me to say something along the lines of "Stuff it, Padfoot" or "Shut it, Padfoot!" But instead I went with "That I do, Pads, that I do"

He huffed and turned back toward his plate (Not a real shocker. His animagus should be a pig…) I pick up my own fork and begin eating again.

"So, Prongs, how does it feel to finally get the girl?"

"It feels amazing, Moony; I never thought it would feel this good to know that Lily actually likes me back" I smile and then pick up my Pumpkin Juice and take a sip. I swallow and lean over and whisper to Sirius "You know, you could be this happy"

"What do you mean?" He whispered back

"If you admit that you're actually attracted to your fake girlfriend" I smirk and his jaw drops in shock

"P-Prongs w-w-what are you t-talking about?" Wow, for a moment there I thought it was Peter talking….Ha! Good one James!

"You like her"

"I barely know her" Sirius is now looking up at Moony and Wormtail, probably hoping they can't hear us, but they are currently talking about a Transfiguration essay that all of us did except Peter, ha ha, I know, Padfoot can actually do his homework! I was shocked too!

"So, you still fancy her" I poked his side this time

"Shove off, Prongs"

"Ha! That means you do!"

He ignored my comment and went back to his food. Typical Padfoot…

Whatever, he'll have to admit it sooner or later. They'll probably be snogging every other second because of this whole 'fake relationship'.

I'll bet you anything they're together by the end of Christmas Break. Just you watch…


	7. Bloody Hell!

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)  
>*I know I said Shania was in Slytherin, but I switched it to Gryffindor :) Sorry for any confusion! Any questions just message me!<p>

Back to Lucy's POV!

I didn't know where to go. So I wandered around for a bit until I found my way to Gryffindor Tower. I told the Fat Lady the password and clambered into the portrait hole. I walked into the empty common room and sighed as I sat down on an armchair beside the roaring fire.

I watch the flames dance, wanting to sit and cry. And that's exactly what I did. Why did I have to let my temper get in the way? I might have lost my best friend because of my ruddy temperature. But everything was all said and done now, and everything could change within a blink of an eye.

I didn't realize how true that statement was for a couple months.

I heard the portrait hole fling open and I looked up to see a wave of red come toward me. Before I knew it, I was pounced on. I look up and I raise my eye brow when I realize it's Lily.

Oh no….what if she's come to attack me and kill me when no one else is around.

But as I catch another glimpse of her face, I know that's not why she's here. She's smiling, and it's not a sick smile, it's a genuine happy smile.

She rolls off of me and lands on the floor with a laugh. She leans herself up against my chair and looks at the fire as well.

"Y-you're not mad?" I stutter out

"Mad?" Lily giggled "I'm far from mad!"

"Wait…what happened?" I questioned

"Because of your temper, I now have a boyfriend" I let out a sigh of relief and then my face breaks into a grin.

"Lily! That's great! I'm so happy for you!" I turn in the chair so I'm now upside down. My feet are at the top of the chair and my face is level with hers. She smiles and I look back at the fire.

"Thanks" She raises and eyebrow at me "You always loved sitting in odd positions"

"I'm comfortable!" I defend

"You're weird!" We laugh for a while and then she pokes my side "You'll never guess what happened after James kissed me!"

"Wait! He kissed you?"

"Yeah, I tried to run away and he stopped me and kissed me. It was the sweetest thing…" Lily sighed happily "But anyway, I said I had to come and find you, and he asked if I was going to talk to you about how you're in love with Sirius"

My eyes go wide "H-he knows?" I sit up a little "Lils, please tell me Sirius doesn't know!"

"He doesn't, James said he's not smart enough to figure it out" I relax and laugh "Then I asked him if James thought there was any chance of Sirius feeling the same way about you and he said there was a 99% chance!"

"How would James know?"

"He's known Sirius for 7 years, I think he'll know"

"I doubt it, Lil"

"Be positive!" Lily exclaimed

"Like you were about your feelings for James?"

"Shut it!" Lily blushed

"Whatever, just promise you won't tell Sirius!"

"Won't tell me what?" I looked up and saw Sirius and James coming through the portrait hole. For what seems like the hundredth time today my eyes widen.

"How much did you hear?" I asked nervously

"We came in when Lily said 'Be Positive!'" James replied as he sat beside Lily, planting a kiss on her cheek. Awww, they're welcome!

"No one answered my question" Sirius pouted as he came and sat on the other side of the armchair so he was looking right at me.

"Um…"

"She wasn't sure about telling you about her past!" Lily lied and I looked over at her, thanking her silently

"Well, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to! I've had a pretty bad past too"

"I doubt it's as bad as mine" I reply

"I don't know, Lucy, Sirius' life has been pretty hard. He lives with me now because he can't stand his parents"

"At least he has parents" I mutter and keep my gaze on the fire.

Lily must have heard me because she turns to me and frowns. "You know that my parents love you!" I frown. Lily's parents love me...not my own. Well, they could've before they ran off.

I plaster a smile onto my face "I know, Lils, but it's not the same"

"I'm sorry" She mutters

"It's not like it's your fault" I feel the back of my eyes sting, knowing that I will burst into tears at any moment

"I know, but it still makes me feel bad for you" She regrets it as soon as she says it. "Luce-"

"I don't need your pity" I state

"I'm not saying that!" Lily exclaimed. No one says anything for a little bit. "Lucy, you know I didn't mean it like that"

I swing my legs onto the arm of the chair and push myself up. I adjust myself so I'm sitting down normally now and I stand up. "I'm going outside. I need some fresh air" I turned to walk away and then I turned back around "Lily, James, I'm very happy that you two are now together" I force a smile and then walk out of the common room.

I just need to calm down…

Sirius' POV

Okay….this is intense…. I send James a look and he shrugs and he glances at Lily. They better not be one of those 'Lovey-dovey' couples. I don't think I can handle that.

"I'm going outside. I need some fresh air" Lucy stood up and started to walk toward the portrait hole then she stopped and turned around "Lily, James, I'm very happy you two are now together" With that said, she walked out of the common room.

Lily groaned and hit her head up against the arm of the chair "I shouldn't have said that"

"Why'd she get so upset?" I asked

"She hates people pitying her. She claims it makes her feel weak"

"What happened in her past?" James asked and I raised an eyebrow. I've been wondering the same thing.

I saw Lily wince and she looked down at her lap. "She'll be mad if I tell you. She'll open up soon. She opened up to me when we were in 2nd year, or going into 2nd year. I only found out because I was at a park near my house and I saw her there. I then realized we lived on the same street."

"What's so bad about that?"

"It's not about what street she lives on, Sirius. It's about what kind of household she lives in"

"What do you mean?"

"She grew up neglected, to say the least. Her family" Lily flinched at the word "rarely talked to her, so now she stays at my house for most of the summer and usually Christmas holidays too. But now everything at her house has gotten even more strict. She can barely come over to my house anymore."

We sat in silence and I looked toward the portrait hole, hoping Lucy would come back in. "Why'd she go outside? It's raining!"

You can hear the sheets of rain pitter pattering on the castle. No person in their right mind would go outside.

"She likes rain"

"This much of it?" Prongs asked

Lily shrugged "Apparently"

"I'm gonna go find her" I sighed and got up and made my way to the portrait hole.

"Sirius!" Lily called and turned around

"Don't be too hard on her, she's been through a lot, and hearing it from you, wouldn't help anything"

"What?" I was now confused. Why would hearing it from me be different?

"You'll find out Padfoot, if you just admit it!" Prongs smirked

"Admit what?" I exclaimed

James winked and then smirked once again "You know"

"No I don't! That's why I asked!"

"We talked about it like 20 minutes ago…" Prongs trailed off and then I figured it out.

I stomped my foot "I'm not attracted to her!" With that I walked out of the common room, anger surging through me.

I don't like her. I seriously don't. Sure she's cute, smart, sweet, sassy, and funny, and pretty much perfect, but that doesn't mean I like her.

Bloody Hell! It does!

I'm attracted to Lucy Knight…

And she thinks this is just a fake relationship…

Damn! I ruin everything for myself!


	8. Pouring Rain While Pouring Feelings

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)  
>*I know I said Shania was in Slytherin, but I switched it to Gryffindor :) Sorry for any confusion! Any questions just message me!<p>

Back to Lucy's POV!

Everyone was still in the Great Hall, eating and chatting animatedly, I bet they don't even realize how good they have it… To have friends, possibly boyfriends or girlfriends….and parents. They all have parents. I don't. Instead I have a foster mom that hates me.

I brush off this thought and wander outside. I then realize that it's pouring down rain. I'm happy and sad about this. I love rain, but I don't really want to get wet.

Oh screw it, I have other clothes.

So, I step out and within seconds, I'm soaked. I sigh and walk toward the Quidditch Pitch. I don't play, but sometimes it's a nice getaway.

So, I wandered over to the stands and sat about halfway up and let the rain continue to fall. Maybe I'll get sick and I won't have to go to any classes Monday. But with my luck, I'll get sick, stay in bed all day tomorrow, and then be better in time for Monday. Stupid immune system! Why can't you be a little weaker?

I look down out at the Quidditch Pitch silently, watching the rain pound onto the ground. Why can't my life be normal…?

Oh yeah, because the universe is against me!

I jump and look up when I feel someone sit beside me. I was hoping it would be Lily, but I knew I was wrong when I see Sirius sitting there with a concerned look on his face.

"Oh, hi" I sniff

"Um, hey. Are you alright?"

"Perfect." I mutter sarcastically

"Lucy"

"Can you please leave me alone? You're not helping" I saw hurt flash over his features and I feel guilty. But he's making me feel worse, knowing that he can be my fake boyfriend but not my real boyfriend.

My life will never be as good as I've always wished…

"Luce…" I sniffle. That's the first time he's called me Luce. Damn my feelings!

"Leave" I say sternly

"I'm not just gonna leave you out here to get sick" Sirius exclaimed

"Damn you, Black" Sirius looked taken aback.

"What do you mean? What did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing! You did nothing! It was all my fault!"

"What was? You're past?"

"No!"

"Then what?" I opened my mouth to spill my heart out, but then I clamped it shut. It was silent then he got upset again "Well? Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Why should I? We aren't exactly friends!" He opened his mouth to reply but then glared and shut it "I can't trust you!"

"And why not?"

"You don't know a thing about me" I hiss

"Really? You want to bet?"

"Excuse me?"

"I know more than you think I know!"

"Fine, what could you possibly know about me?" I exclaimed

"I know that you're favorite color is magenta" Shit, it's true. "I know you love to read, like Lily and Remus" Correct "I also know that you're afraid to trust anybody because you're afraid they'll hurt you!"

"How do you know all that?"

"I've paid attention over the years"

"But I thought-"

"That I didn't even notice you?" He finished "I actually had a crush on you for a couple years" I looked at him with wide eyes.

"W-what?"

"Never mind that, please tell me why you're acting so horrid to me?"

"Because!" I shout and stand up "I hate the way you make me feel!"

"How do I make you feel?" Sirius is now standing too. I'm not gonna hide it any longer. Screw it!

"Wonderful!" I feel hot tears stream down my face. I take a step toward him and I jab him in the chest. "You make me love everything about you when I've barely talked to you after all these years! I knew I love you when you and the rest of the Marauders came into mine and Lily's compartment on the way to Hogwarts in first year!"

"W-what?"

"Then when you finally talked to me, said something other than 'Loner' or 'Move' I knew I fell even deeper. And then you said my name! And I knew I was screwed"

"Lucy-"

"Let me finish!" Sirius closes his mouth "I know I'm a loser and a loner, but somehow, I'm okay with it. I eventually excepted that you would never like me back, so I gave up. But after all of these bloody years, my heart still seems to race when you look at me! I wish I could stop it! Stop the feeling! Stop the _love_! But I can't! It's too late!"

"Lucy-"

"I'm sorry" I mutter "I shouldn't have told you that. It would've all been better if I wouldn't have agreed to this stupid _fake _relationship!" I scream and then let out a sob "I knew it would only end up hurting me!"

"L-"

He didn't even have a chance to finish my name, I was already racing down the stands to the bottom of the Quidditch Pitch.

I need to find Lily.

/

Lily's POV

James and I had changed our location to the couch a little while after our two best friends dashed off. I was leaning into him and his arm was around my shoulder, playing with strands of my hair. I sighed "Maybe, if we're lucky, they'll end up figuring things out"

James chuckled "Not with those two"

I furrowed my brow in confusion "What do you mean?"

"They're both stubborn" James explains "There's no way either of them will admit to liking the other. IN the long run, we'll end up setting them up"

"You're right. They're alike, but they are also really different" I look up at him and see those perfect hazel eyes on me. I smile as he kisses my forehead. "James?"

"Yes?"

"Did you ever actually believe that I would eventually say yes?"

"Well…I believed if I tried enough, you'd finally give into the Potter Charm. But then decided to try a new approach. Being your friend first"

I smile "Well, it seems like it worked"

James grins "Thank God" I giggled and then he squeezes my shoulder "You know whenever we pulled pranks or anything, I always did that to get your attention"

"It seems like you got it, but not in a good way" I smirk

"But yet, I continued to do it"

"Well, James, I've accepted the fact that you're not the smartest tool in the shed"

"Hey! Who's Head Boy?" James pouted

"I'm still confused on that. I thought it would definitely be Remus…" I tease

"Lily!" He whined "You should be nice to your boyfriend" He smirked and poked my side.

I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck "I have a boyfriend?"

James pouted again "Lily!" I press a soft kiss on his lips and then pull away to see him grinning down at me. "Yeah, that's what I thought"

"Shut up!" I roll my eyes and bring his lips down to mine again.

We snog for a while. Wow, that feels really weird saying that…but I love it. Thank God no ones in the common room with us. Everyone is still eating.

I lean against James and then the portrait hole swings open. I jump slightly at the surprise and look over the back of couch to see who it was. "Lucy?" The figure stopped running and looked at me, then embraced me. I embraced her back and she started to sob. "What happened?" I asked, knowing it had to of been Sirius that did this. I glance over at James and by the look on his face, I have a feeling, he's thinking the same thing.

"I-I-I t-told him" I pulled away from her and looked at her face, which had mascara running down it as she continued to cry.

"Told who what?"

"Sirius" She sobbed and hugged me again. My eyes widened and I rubbed her back

"That you loved him?" She let out a cry and held on tighter to me. I took that as a yes.

She cried for a little longer, explaining the story until she broke down again. Then the portrait hole opened and I prayed that it wasn't Sirius. Lucy lifted her head up off my shoulder and looked at the portrait hole and then pulled away quickly. "I have homework to do" She said coldly and hurried up to the girls' dormitory.

"Lucy!" Sirius exclaimed as I spun around to face him. Lucy didn't stop though, and soon she was out of sight. I walked over to Sirius and slapped him on the chest. "Ouch! Just because you're my best mate's girlfriend, doesn't mean you can abuse me"

"Yes, she can" James stood up and walked over to us "Pads, you're such a jerk!"

"What did I do?"

"You know what you did!"

"The Lucy thing?" I nodded "I was planning to run after her, but I was in shock! And by the time I came back to reality, she was gone! So I ran here!"

"What were you planning on saying to her?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

He opened his mouth then paused, and shut it again. "I was planning on improvising"

I snorted "I should've known" I rolled my eyes and spun around and dashed up the stairs after Lucy.

I feel bad for her. Her life is crumbling down. I thought Sirius would've helped her, but he made it worse.

Damnit!

/


	9. The Aftermath

I Just Want to be Happy…

*I own nothing except for Lucy :)  
>*I know I said Shania was in Slytherin, but I switched it to Gryffindor :) Sorry for any confusion! Any questions just message me!<p>

Sirius' POV

I watched Lily run upstairs and then I turned to James. "What did I do?"

"Did you not see Lucy when you came in here?"

"Not really, I only saw her go upstairs" Prongs rolled his eyes "What?"

"She ran in here, crying her eyes out!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"That's the problem! You didn't do or say anything! You just stood there!"

"How would you know, Prongs? You weren't there!"

"She told us, Padfoot"

"Prongs-"

"Don't, don't say anything to me. Talk to Lucy instead" He sat back on the couch and glanced toward the girls' dormitory then at the roaring fire.

What am I going to do now? I'm screwed…

I slump onto the couch next to James and then I hear shouting from the girls' dormitory. What's going on?

/

Lucy's POV

I shouldn't have gone to the common room. That was the most likely spot to go. Of course Sirius would look there. I just hope he didn't see me crying…

I lay on my bed now, staring at the ceiling, hoping that something will happen and it will cave in, taking my life, making it so I will never have to talk to Sirius ever again. Maybe I should just avoid him instead of wanting to die…yeah, that seems less extreme. As long as I don't have to talk about this with Sirius ever again. I don't even know why I said anything in the first place! I'm so stupid!

I feel more tears leak from my brown eyes and I try to blink them away, but they just continue to seem out of me. Damn emotions.

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to have a perfect life. Like Lily's. Sure, it's not picture perfect, but it's more perfect than mine will ever be. She has parents, friends, a boyfriend, and somewhere to call home. The only thing wrong with her life is her sister, Petunia. Ever since Lily got her Hogwarts letter, Petunia's called her awful names. But that's the only thing trying to ruin Lily's perfect life.

My life on the other hand, is horrid. My parents left me when I was born. I only have 1 friend, well I do have some acquaintances, like Alice and Remus, but only one true friend who I can rely on through thick and thin. And my foster mom can't stand me. She would've thrown me out long ago if she wasn't receiving checks from the government just for housing me. Out of all of the kids in my foster home, she likes me the least. I don't know what I did wrong, she just hates me.

My life is far from perfect. Sirius' life is considered perfect to mine, and he doesn't even live with his parents, he lives with James. But, he's happy none the less, while I live unhappy every day.

"Lucy?" I flinch as I realize Lily's in the room."Are you alright?"

"Perfect!" I exclaim as I sit up on my bed "Fucking perfect, Lil, thanks!" I bring my knees up to my chest and then wrap my arms around them. Lily frowns and walks over to me. She sits on the bed beside me and pats my knee.

"I'm sorry, Luce"

"I can't do this anymore, Lil" I say after a moment of silence.

"Do what?"I let out a sob as she looks at me with concern in her green eyes.

"Life. I can't continue to live when I'm so unhappy. I thought that I was starting to get better because Sirius was actually talking to me, but I ruined that. I ruined the one shot at happiness I had." I saw tears glisten in Lily's eyes and she grabbed my hand "Lily, I'm not like you, I'm not pretty, or sweet, or _loveable_. I'm me, and I hate it. I don't stand out from everyone else. I'm average. You aren't though, you're perfect"

She snorted "Lucy, you've got to be kidding me, I'm far from perfect!"

"You have a perfect life though! You have a boyfriend! Friends! An actually family!" I shout "I have nothing!"

"I only got a boyfriend because you told James I liked him!" Lily yells back "If you wouldn't have told him, I probably never would've!"

"Everyone likes you more though. Even my foster mom!" I shriek "You don't know how awful it is to be me! Everybody hates me! _I _hate me!" I sob

"Lucy, stop. You're amazing, don't convince yourself otherwise"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because you are perfect. Sure, you're life isn't, but neither is mine. My sister can't stand me"

"That's the only thing wrong with your life, though, Lils" I sigh "One thing that's screwed up. In my life, there isn't just one, my whole life is a screw up"

"No, it's not, Luce. Life's just testing you to see if you can handle anything. And if there's anyone who can handle anything, it's you. If I were you, I'd never be able to handle myself. Ever. But you can. You're stronger than I could ever dream of being. Lucy, I wish I had your strength. I wish I could be like you. Be able to say anything I want without even thinking of the consequences."

"I appreciate the thought, Lily, but we both know that you would never want to be like me. I'm a hot mess"

"Damnit, Lucy! Stop throwing yourself a pity party!" I feel tears sting my eyes and I hurriedly get up and walk to the bathroom in our dormitory, quickly shutting the door behind me. I locked it and then leaned against it, choking on my tears.

I then heard and felt a pounding on the door "Luce, I didn't mean it like that! I'm sorry"

"Leave me be, Lily. Just leave me. I can't be helped" That only made her pound harder

"Lucy! Don't do anything stupid!" I heard her let out a sob "Please don't, you're my best friend!"

"Tell your parents I said goodbye" I walk away from the door and walk over to the bathtub where I see my razor sitting on the ledge. Many of you may be thinking why I don't just point my wand at myself and say the killing curse? Well, I'll tell you why, because you can't cast that spell on yourself. You can't cast any of the Unforgivable on yourself, it won't work.

"NOOOOOOO!" Lily screams from outside the door. "LUCY!"

"I'm sorry, Lily" I said softly, but loud enough for her to hear me.

"Lucy, don't do this, please! We can work this out! We can work everything out! You can stay at my house until we graduate! Please, don't do this!"

But I wasn't listening to her anymore. I was pulling up my right sleeve, preparing it.

Nothing Lily could say would stop me now.

/

***Pretty intense….Don't worry, everything will end up fine in the end :). Thanks for reading!**


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